fourteen weeks.

wow! there's a little person kicking around in here! whoever it is, isn't vegan I decided...or raw for that matter, although fruit seems to be the theme for this pregnancy. Fruit and sea salt.

well, I feel like I have been dragged through the mud, thrown in the tub for a rugged scrubbin', and hung to dry on the breeze in the sun! instead of physical nausea, i truly was under the weather the first trimester with spiritual and emotional upset. i feel like i've spit bullets, and poisonous darts, mostly internally, but some at my poor unsuspecting husband whose only quest is to find a way to make everything right. i think i basically erupted. it wasn't pretty. it was hell, honestly. it was one of those times you could see it all ending, with three different equally dramatic moments...the music was even swelling in anticipation of it. but we made it, and i know how.

we decided we wanted to be what we wanted to see, and we'd move in that direction until it began to feel natural. sort of like transitioning to a healthier diet, really. i've been humbled, to say the least, and truly feel recast...i can see my spirit peeking out from wherever it's been hiding (perhaps behind some organ that holds great importance) saying "is it alright to come out now?", then stepping out and stretching to regain a little of it's form.

so today i feel blessed in this refreshment, and encouraged by what's to come for all of us. for what God's doing in each of us individually, as a families, as ones called into community.

i feel more committed to placing all my hope in God, and releasing all my expectations of myself and others. like, taking the world off the hook for falling short in my eyes. i find great freedom in this, for me and for those around me. i feel like i've just opened up an enormous space for love.

i pray this refreshment, peace and love over you as well.

love, kelly