nine weeks.

tomorrow i think i will do the drano test...you know the one...the smelly one where you pee in a cup and add the crystal drano to it, stir and wait to see what color it turns? if you don't know...it's a 'way' to tell what the sex of the baby is. don't ask me how it works...but it's worked for six babies in my family. we'll see if it works for this one!

thanks be to God, i am feeling amazingly well. i am only having a few pregnancy 'side effects' that, luckily are manageable learning experiences.

for example, today i learned a little about guilt. i was out in my car at an unusual time, and happened to hear a pastor on the radio talking about guilt. i tuned in because he happens to be the brother of a friend of mine...and besides i was listening for God. anyway...

i seem to feel guilty about everything. if we run out of toilet paper or toothpaste, if we have no more clementines, if my kids drag a leaf in onto my grandmother's carpet...whatever it is I AM WRACKED IN GUILT! so, as per the advice of my friend's brother who happens to be the pastor who was on the radio because God was speaking to me...are you still with me? i am in desperate prayer to feel forgiveness for my sin, for the sins of others that i have sinfully taken on in the past, and for the relief of grace. i must not have ever totally felt it, because it really runs my life.

if you are reading this, then you are one of my close friends, whom i dearly love. because, really, i don't know how anyone else would find it in the sea of cyber-personalities...so, please pray for me, that i would feel forgiveness, and be caught up in unconditional love. and please pray that i don't pass this terrible feeling on to my children, whom i treasure and would hate to find that one day they are in my same boat. i know God is up to something big...changing lives, one little lesson at a time. but this time, i know this is big. this is key to changing how i live my life on a minute by minute affair.


love, kelly