this weekend i...


cried for time.
wept, and celebrated with mothers.
longed for a community of 'me's'.
wondered if i was depressed.
wished the rain would stop, and keep falling all the same.

thought about a boy at the kids' school who's father died unexpectedly.
thought about girls changing before my eyes into young ladies.
thought about a five year old who died from swine flu.
thought about how vulnerable it is to be a mother, if i choose to be vulnerable to love.

thought about creating.

created a gift.
created time.
created thoughts and let poetry swirl in my head.
painted with pastels, until i knew to stop...

acknowledged that i was depressed, and went for my remedy.
played with my children, laughed with my baby.

am choosing to love, as much as possible--
and letting God make the changes...

it is autumn, after all.




so, i will fall into Him for now.