I am sitting here in front of my birthing tub, wrapped in a towel as it fills up
and reading all the encouraging statements that have been "sharpied"
(poetic license) on the walls of it while contemplating my time, and what's to come. At the same time, I am grieving the loss of a dear friend's pregnancy at (I think) 16 weeks. Her loss is my loss, and my heart is breaking for her and her sweet husband and three girls who were looking forward to their next little brother or sister.

I am reminded of my own miscarriage 11 years ago, and the pain that stayed with me for what seems like eternity. It was a deep, sharp, turning sort of pain that brought out a nasty side of me. I went online today and searched to find information on any sort of ritual idea that would be helpful, but there was not much. There was something on line from a female Rabbi talking about how traditionally they don't consider children as 'alive' until they have passed their head and shoulders out of the mother. I thought that was interesting... So, until then, until 'life has started' outside the womb, the mother is the priority.

Then there was another article that discussed a Buddist temple where a woman experienced beauty among many small statues placed there for pregnancies and miscarriages...a sacred space for women to celebrate or grieve I suppose.

I know that my brother and his wife held a funeral of sorts, just them two, when they miscarried her first pregnancy. I think this helped them.

Not that my friend will want to do anything like this now, or at all... but it got me to searching, especially in light of the fact that I am due in two weeks...and especially in light of the fact that I am searching for the special way I present my daughter with 'the talk' about how her body is amazing...

I don't know... but thanks for letting me think out loud. I think I will get in the tub, and see if I can connect with all of the women who have birthed before me.

K