The last few days have been pretty incredible for no particular reason at all...just that I've been feeling better and better and growing more confident in love.

Recently, I started on a new remedy to help align my whole self (i.e. spirit, mind, body) and incredibly I could actually the triad of myself pulling towards the center of me. It was absolutely amazing, although I don't know what it means for me besides this serenity of knowing I am all three and even more so all three braided into who I am. Just like you. :)

I've missed Noelle this week so much. I can't wait to hold her and bring her home. The energy of who she is has been no small void in this house over the last week. Even Gabe cried out for her when he went to sleep last night. "I miss Noelle!!" I said, "Me too!!"

I am almost done working with Paul. I've grown quite close to him, and although I am going to be elated to be out from under deadlines, I can't help but think there will be a small let down in saying goodbye to this amazing work. It has been surreal, and I can't thank God enough for calling me into this study. I guess it's that sweet-sorrow Billy Shakespeare blubbed on about. :P

So I am looking forward to new things. Things that I can hold between two arms, pulled tight against my chest and deeply loved. I feel the desire to reach my hand out to touch everyone and everything. I am energized and elated by this idea. I am wondering and praying for a willing mind and heart to what God has planned community-wise for The Woodlands. I am eager, and almost impatient to wait for it. I feel like something is coming, and whatever it is has to do with my house and possibly some sort of intentional community. I also feel particularly drawn to single mom's and orphans now. I can't tell how this is going to manifest, but I can feel God pulling all things into my circle. It's exciting.

I am going to pray myself into God's ideas. I hope I find you there.

K

It occurred to me today, after making the first half or greater of the day raw and then having popcorn with Gabe and a movie (not that I wanted it...and in fact think I am allergic to corn and now have the headache to prove it...) that sometimes all my good intentions are for nothing without God.

Duh.

I know, I know...this evening I was inspired to fast. I made some juice and had a delicious smoothie after that. Back to raw, which used to be so easy until I collapsed under the burden of these writing deadlines. Which would be an easy trap to fall into and a long and winding rabbit hole to descend into...if I let myself.

But I just decided not to...even going back and erasing all the complaints I started to expose the world to. Who needs another whiner. Life's wasted on whining. So here's my new improved plan for life management...get ready, its a biggie:

Pray. Pray unceasingly, pray every way I know how.

Yeah, it's in the bible...and yes, this could be another duh moment for me, but instead I am going to say that this time my prayers will be different...they'll be spoken and not this continuous, sometimes disjointed conversation in my head to the Father of fathers. If I feel like I am being attacked, I am going to speak prayer into it. I wonder how much my life will change in a week? In a month?

If I start falling to cravings, I am going to cry out for help! (I suggest you pray for me in this, as I may be in a really public place screaming for God to pull me away from soup or chips and salsa or popcorn...etc, etc, etc... If nothing else, hopefully this will make me more comfortable praying with others. I get so nervous I get lost in the blackness behind my eyes. It's nuts.

Soon, I will be back on track, soon I will be grinning, lauging, jumping, singing, dancing, praising God all the while honoring all He created in me.

May He use me. May He call on me. And, God...whether or not I am ready...may I follow.