Ten fingers.
Ten toes.
Ten hundred times I've kissed them at one hurt or another.
Ten thousand giggles and smiles that have tickled my mother bone.
Ten million frets, worries and chances to let go just a little more...and still there's more to come...

Ten years, though? Ten years is hard to believe. And baby...you are ten years old today!

A decade ago, you came into my arms to change my life forever. You were so pink (after you were done being purple) and you were wide awake. Within ten minutes of you being outside the womb you had been held by almost every family member you have. By the end of the night I think you had! You were the first of the grandchildren, and first of the great grandchildren, and anxiously awaited.

We named you Noelle, because it means 'Joyous Birth' and that is exactly what happened.

That night, your Paw Paw brought me spaghetti for dinner, my favorite. Then I curled up with you on my hospital bed to nurse you. While in awe, we fell asleep together on the bed! When I woke up I was totally mortified that you might have fallen off and no one had come in to check on us! It was the first of my motherly fears, and definitely not the last by a long shot.

I had so many doubts...would I be a good mother? kind? self-less? would I remember to feed you and bathe you? would I always remember that first feeling of holding you? would I ever be able to let you go? would I ever be able to love you enough?


And, in ten years, what I've figured out...is that all you want is me. Fully. To be present when you say, "Hey mom, can we have girls night?" to not look away when you say excitedly, "Mom, watch this!" To remember to kiss you all over, hug and tickle you...even though you're ten...because you still like it, and you crave it.



So, today, on your tenth birthday...I celebrate you. The you God sent to me, the you He's shaping, the you that brings joy to all who meet you...the you that I've learned, life is all about.


Happy Birthday, Noelle Ray. You are ten times as good as you started!

11/19/97


Love, Mom