Two days, 100% raw...things are happening. :)

Emotions running high.
Detoxing some random allergy (probably the doggie).
My gut is happy.

These last few days have been rough, my brother's been in the hospital, and God has really spoken to me through it. I doubt it would be a coincedence that within the same 24 hours of recommitting to a high raw food diet, my brother would be hospitalized for a compacted colon. Or, that's what I am calling it. They are calling it a 'kink' in his hose. Ironic isn't it? How technical.

So, he's laying in a bed, and every now and then siezing up in this gripping pain, I can only describe as labor-like, and I am thinking...if I could get him to my house, I'd have him working in a week (or less). It hit me pretty hard, I couldn't believe that I was actually looking at a 'case study' of everything I have read on colons, poop, proper nutrition, dis-ease—and it's in my family...this is what I am preventing for my kids. I kept looking at him, passed out, with an angio tube up his nose, IV in one arm, oxygen in his nose feeling guilty that I am not an 'evangelistic' nutrition nazi. Not that it would have saved him from this grief for me to be a psycho, but still...

Priority one...is God. God is the one imposing this on my conscience. I've been battling with whether or not being a raw foodist was idol worship. I think it would be, if my life revolved around food, thinking of food, eating food, craving food, etc. I truly thought maybe I had started to go down this road of idol worship until it hit me the other day after lunch with a friend...I only get uncomfortable about my choices when I am in the spotlight about it (whether good or bad). For some reason, I start to feel as if I am picky because I am different. But I'm not picky. At home, I am just fine eating or not eating, and I don't obsess over food like I used to when I was cooked (i.e. I used to be fixing breakfast and wondering what I was going to eat for lunch, etc.). I guess, what living on the cutting edge of nutrition and truly living is going to look like, is much like hanging out in the front yard nude in your bathing suit. Everyone can see me, my bumps, scars and can see how my choices have affected me. I feel exposed, which is ok, but uncomfortable. I did decide this week, that it's ok not to change my choices just to get a towel to cover up. I decided that if God has called me to this life, He's standing naked right there with me, and in that I can do anything.

Shoot, I watched 7 kids all under the age of 9, all by myself today and no one died. I didn't even raise my voice but once when they just couldn't hear me. This is the me God wants me to be. When I can offer grace, I know I am living in grace, and that is a great feeling.

PLUS...if I get pregnant, I really want to have a goal of a highly raw pregnancy. I want to birth at home. I want it to be exstatic, and exhausting and wonderful. And if I don't get pregnant, then I want to have the best day ever, every day. :) I can do that when I don't live in fear of sickness. I can do that when I know I am walking where I should be.

:)