Today's been one of those days...

The highlight was taking my kids to May Day at their old school, and watching them run about as if it were still their own home. Just today Gabe told me he wanted to go back to school. I can tell he misses his friends. Only, he doesn't want to go to KG, he wants to jump into 1st grade! I wonder if there is a way that God will work all of this out for me and I don't have to think about it anymore??? God is amazing, I wouldn't doubt that He would!

Noelle seemed to miss school as well. When we got home, I helped her start a new project and we talked about patience in our work, and striving to do our best...even if it took longer. We talked about faster not being better, and how things are richer when we've had to wait on them. So, we are working on watching our plants grow in our hydroponic garden, and we are going to measure them each day to see the changes. We probably will also sketch the little plants until they have filled up the entire garden! She was excited about this. We also picked out words that she had mis-spelled in the past, and practiced writing them slowly along with other words that rhymed with them. She seemed so excited about this, and it only took me a few minutes to make the list out for her.

Today I successfully completed my second day of fasting from 'chewed' food. I have been on smoothies or raw soups. Today was harder than yesterday for sure. I am surprised I made it with being out at dinner time and lunch time. The Spirit is surely on this walk with me. Many emotions have surfaced today, and I find myself praying for relief from frustration, headaches, dizzyness, anger and worry...and that tomorrow will be easier! Although I am headed into town for a homeschool co-op with friends and then off to small group. I keep thinking..."when will this fast end? can i call the date?" So far it is still uncertain. I haven't talked to many people about what is going on with me...I am a little scared to, quite frankly since I really have no clue!! Part of me wants to end this struggle right now...but the other part of me is crying..."NO WAIT! Wait and see who's on the other side!" One thing that I keep visualizing, is a spacious, intellectual mind--creative and freed from worry and fear (at least some)...and a woman, whom I have always known as me, melting through my pores leaving a new, revived body capable of doing the work God calls me to: Love. Trust. Live. Shine. Be patient, and understanding. Be kind. Give, and give again. Be open to everything God wants to bring through me. Listen. Feel, tenderly. Be gracious. Be gentle.

I told myself I wouldn't ever try another fast unless God called me to one, and then BLAM! (Watch what you wish for!) So, I am off to bed...I am trying to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night during this down time. Somewhere in all this...a new sort of christian, woman, wife, mother, friend, and artist is growing.

To God,
Kelly