01.05.14

G-d sent for me this morning,

blew the mouth of our house open wide

fluffing its cheeks and nudging me

with life-saving air, crisp and cool

(as January is) and I move enough

to greet my maker with a morning yawn,

releasing the staleness of my own dreams

that fell awe-full

at the threshold of inside and out

as He, pardon me, They,
came winding through,
Spirit awakening the bells,

combing through the chimes,

conducting the hounds to key up

and wake the trees, reluctant as high-school boys

to do anything but flex and shoulder up to one another

growing used to their more manly stature

but still taking strength in numbers.

they circle, bend, resist, surrender and fine-tune 

to both the familiar and yet an altogether new day,
shake birds free to fuss about from branch to branch—

oh, the strength of limbs, I think as I agree in my soul

to a continual communion, becoming identified, known.

I threw off my cover, and met them in the middle of earth

to end my fast of words and join them in the clarity of morning:

You are, and I am alive…

Yes, me too.

Larry

he came to warn us 

that our roof was frozen

from the horizon down.

he spoke in spurts, 

one hand searching his pocket for words

the other hand reaching for the stability of a shoulder.

he “only came over,

because I saw you raking”

because “who tends their own yard these days?”

which led him a bit astray
before instructing us a little further,

instigated by his left hand that sprung loose a thought 

a small moth that quickly perched on his trembling right

to preach about the family entity,

how, being responsible for one another

isn't begrudging, but begetting...
then, he looked into our eyes but went way far off
gifting me a reflection—

and i was thankful for the thoughts of grandfathers,

and their arms, longer, bonier but still strong and warm
then as if my change of thought off putting
his hands itched at his clothes for something else,

one took shelter in the vest and the other a pant leg

and I stood in awe at this creature

that extended downward from his
World War veterans hat

with purpose and might, 
(though he's half his youthful stature)
and when they felt safe again,

his hands came out to count out for us,
the four reasons he keeps on living:
to live every last day with his wife

to hopefully experience great-great grandparenthood,

to be the last WW2 veteran above ground

and to deliver his full treatise on the family as a unit—
"go before one another, stand beside and come after.
stay close and don't get lost, and if so...find and be found".

i thought again about what it might be like

if my grandfathers were alive,

and I stared too much at his bottom teeth

as they stood  close together, strong and crooked 

just like theirs, just like mine 

both naval veterans themselves

with hardly a word on anything
save to tell us what was right—
life is confusing outside of that certainty

(though they would pull you down a rabbit hole just as well).

I was awestruck and thankful 

and wanting to reach out and hold steady 

the twitch of his hands 

once again confused, homeless 
and building static against his windbreaker
searching out their place 
in this unknown territory of our yard

but I didn't, out of respect
which is upside-down
because he leaned upon my husband 13 times.

I promised to remain for one and all,
(as much as any human can)
indivisible to both right and wrong,

because as responsibility teaches us
we are all of it, and all of it is pro-us in the end

we only gain from the experiences
of one another, the attempts and non-attempts,
successes and failures of what came before me

and in the end, maybe the insulation
wasn't holding in or out as much as it should

because the roof is half-thawed and half-frozen…

or maybe it is just as it should be,
because that is how we met Larry.

God Is a Gift

"Without God's mercy, God's presence would have always been a place I was getting to but never arriving in. I once thought a little better sermon and a little more prayer would make heaven come down. I learned in the wilderness that heaven came down a long time ago in the Person of Jesus Christ." (p. 138)

"Christ is my dwelling, and the freedom He gives is different than we imagine." (p. 138)

"Only the person who knows she does not have God truly has God—this is the great lesson our weaknesses and shortcomings teach us. God allows them to be our companion in the wilderness to show us just how big grace is." (p.140)

I could quote on and on...much of my copy of Doug Reed's book is underlined and dog-eared for it's good stuff. God Is a Gift: Learning to Live in Grace was a blessing to read at the end of my Lenten journey. Interestingly enough I gave up 'instant doom's day' for Lent...I wanted to work on changing my outlook from a victim of circumstance to a liberated cooperator (since I am still growing through my liberation process with Christ). Back to business...

"The victors are those who see the gifts and live in it; they are not those who have the neatest house and the fewest dark rooms. They first step to overcoming is not trying to clean up the darkest room in the house. Rather, it is seeing that the Lord is just as present there as He is in the brightest room in the house."

Oh, my goodness, just applying this to our current family dynamic alone (with one depressed, one ADHD, one graduating toddler, an 'overworked' and an artistically moody) is liberating. God is present in each of us...I knew this! However, it is easy to forget when you see people suffering and want to start "fixin'" things to make them more presentable.

Reed's style is receivable because it's like a long walk on life's course with a soul friend. There is struggle, revelation, acceptance and love. I recommend it as an uplifting read about the grace that is available to all. I am thankful for it.

Please click on the link above to go to Reed's website and get more information about it, and also check out this link on Thorncrown Chapel, which I think is truly beautiful.

Blessings.

For Easter 2013

A benediction for the people:

(click on the title for a link to a video from The Work of the People)

People! Come, see what’s new!

Breathe in a new day,

rising up, lightening the night­—

I AM giving life again!

Come out, and take in the air,

see that it is fresh and new and Spirit filled!

Death has died!

Wash the ash from your face,

rinse the burial dirt from your mouth—

life is the last word!

Stand to your feet, remove your shroud,

and step out of your tomb!

Leave Your hearts open to Mine,

And I will tend them with joy—

with the joy and abundance of My presence!

I will sustain you,

uphold you from My eternal source, always.

Go out with My blessing.

Love from My eternal stores.

Beautify all that You touch.

Encourage life when all seems lost…

Because the LIFE I give always has the last word,

always.

12.18.12

days like this,

words stump me.

amiss from the pool in the sky—

where poems come from—
(that you already knew)
although it would be preferred
for poetry to uncurl
before me, like the long delicate arms of ballerinas

or bounce gently, and intentionally
towards me upon a warm breeze of late spring—

soft, and yet powerful enough to ease you out of winter's sweater.

words.

words mean to bind me,

in their way confine me.
stick me to my bones

slow growing and groaning

the practices and intimacy of language

holding this expression of me in place

inked on this scrap of paper

for times longer than lips

so keen to speak of liberation

—again—
“this time” for all times.

words come close enough to pain me,

challenge and contain me,

woo and shoo me,

enliven and prove me.

save and damn me

pull me together and loose all my cause.
just out of arms reach, 

they pull me to defy dimensions,

join my heart to God’s

—where there is pleasure, immense and unleveled pleasure—

just to have a handful to arrange...
yes, on this coffee stained page.
they hardly ever come alone

but as thoughts strung together

through hearts to hands to feet

to move my depth,

to lighten my life.

ONE: The Gospel According to Mike

So, I just finished up ONE: The Gospel According to Mike, a book by Mike Williams that I picked up through Speakeasy. The book was challenging in many ways.

One thing I noticed just a few pages in was that the chapters felt like someone had transcribed sermons or podcasts, but didn't go back through and edit out the duplications that sometimes happens. Many places in the book I felt like saying, "All right already. The point is made." I even found myself making written edit marks in the book in some places. It took me a while to get through the book because it just seemed to talk in circles...like a conversation would. So, I went to YouTube to see if I could find him on there, to just get the cadence of his speech. That really helped me, and I liked him and his way of communicating.

I can't say, though that my overall feelings about the book are negative, because I was so interested in getting to the bottom of what Mike believes the bible teaches us, and a lot of it I believe some theologians would agree with. Many, likely not, which is a point that Mike would probably agree with.

I, though, am not a theologian. And, because I am not, I often have fear even speaking up about Godly matters, much less writing a blog about them. I don't know that anyone should take me seriously, ever. I am still digesting this book, the good points and the hard ones.

I believe Mike has a good grasp on the gospel.
I agree with Mike that ONE man came to save us from ONE man's sin.
I also find it incredibly liberating to discover or rediscover our identity in God.
I am curious about his take on John's Revelation...(Mike, I live near H-town, wanna meet over coffee sometime?)
I was engaged with his take on Adam's original sin.
I feel like Mike has a great way of delivering the good news of Freedom in Christ.

I feel like agreeing with this book may make me an outlaw...but I am already out on a high limb, and frankly I like the view from here. I walked away from the book feeling a little lost in my being. Things that I have grown to accept that I am in tune with were dulled as I worked out some of his thoughts on prayer. I do agree that prayer becomes something beyond words.

Although it was work to get through the book, it was rewarding in the end. All the work it took to understand what he was saying, and weeding through the repetitive nature of the writing and some of his ideas really led me to think, think, think. And ask God to be taught. In the end, this book led me to more God. I felt more assured than ever that I am a small being in the larger being of Christ, how truly blessed that although I may waver as I learn and grow,  I can say my identity is solid. I passed the book right on to a friend because I am so looking forward to conversing on Mike's take (which is why I have no quotes from the book in this blog post)...especially the Revelation piece. Okay, I have to let that be all for now.

Blessings.


**Note of humility**
After all the talk about editing...I just realized the typos in my own blog post where I thought I had posted a video link and did not. SORRY!! Love to get a good heaping slice of humble pie on a Monday. :) Blessings.

Book Review: Water from an Ancient Well

I read through another Speakeasy book, Kenneth McIntosh's, Water from an Ancient Well: Celtic Spirituality for Modern Life, though, and it has been a wonderful companion through some challenging days. I mentioned to a friend of mine while reading her an excerpt from the book, that the book seems to meet me on the road and walk unexpected lengths with me when I am feeling alone. I can say with certainty, that during sittings with the book I knew without a doubt that God is not only present in my life but actively involved.

One thing I really appreciate about this Book, is all the references and excerpts. Stories from Saints of the past and modern-day experiences were comforting to me and gave me an opportunity to feel connected to the past while grounded in the present, and hopeful for the future. McIntosh does such a fantastic and gentle job of incorporating so many things that are becoming more and more accepted to current-day mystics that it is a great bridge to give to those who need help "seeing" what humans were always meant to see.

In the introduction it reads, "Like a Celtic knot, this book is meant to be enjoyed in a nonlinear fashion: you don't need to read the whole volume in sequential order..." which I find to be true, although there is a payoff for following his course from A to Z.

I am so thankful that God placed this book in my life. It is one of those you can pick up and feel encouraged and accompanied on your spiritual course, a companion that points to the God that is always present.

Blessings, Kelly